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Cool, refreshing water tumbled gently down a small river in Neishuangxi, washing over Cums Once A Year’s legs. The stream washed away memories of T-shit’s inferno of a run the week before, where he stayed hydrated by sucking up puddles of Dr. Binlang’s sweat using a LifeStraw. “This’ll be a perfect spot for a summer hash,” he said. “River crossings, gentle breeze… All I need to do is catch some shrimp for the barbie.” Cums Once A Year rooted around in his pockets in search of shrimp bait. “Aww cunt, I don’t have any shrimp bait,” he said. 清涼沁人的溪水在內雙溪緩緩流淌，沖刷著 Cums Once A Year 的雙腿。 溪流也順便洗去了他對上週 T-shit 地獄級路線的痛苦回憶——那場跑步裡，他只能靠著生命吸管吸食 Dr. Binlang 流下來積成水窪的汗水維持水分。 「這裡辦夏季捷兔一定超棒」他說道「有溪流渡河、有徐徐微風……現在只差抓幾隻蝦，等等拿去烤肉。」 Cums Once A Year 翻找著口袋，想找釣蝦餌「靠夭，我居然沒帶蝦餌。」 身後忽然傳來一個聲音：「需要幫忙嗎，這位好先生？」 “In need of some help, good man?” called a voice behind him. He turned around to see Bunsen Boner dressed in a white labcoat, from which protruded a black lacquer codpiece surrounded by a forest of body hair. He stood next to a cylindrical glass tank about three meters high, attached to which was a much smaller, shoebox-sized tank containing a single shrimp. “Yeah mate, I need to find a hare, and something to lure in the shrimps.” “No problem at all, sir. I’ll be your hare, and there’s all the bait you could wish for in this here tank. Climb in and help yourself.” Cums Once A Year scaled the ladder and lowered himself slowly into the water-filled tank. “Aww if you’re the hare, maybe the hash trash could be about the Ashes,” gushed Cums Once A Year, “Or England versus Australia at the World Cup!” “Yes, that sounds very à la mode,” said Bunsen Boner, screwing shut the entrance hatch to the tank. “Do relax, you might feel a slight shock.” Bunsen Boner pulled down a lever on a hitherto hidden control panel attached to the tank. 他回頭一看，只見 Bunsen Boner 身穿白色實驗袍，而袍子前方伸出一個黑色亮漆護襠，四周還覆蓋著濃密體毛。 他身旁立著一個約三公尺高的圓柱形玻璃水槽，旁邊還連接著另一個鞋盒大小的小水槽，裡頭只有一隻孤零零的小蝦。 「是啊，兄弟，」Cums Once A Year 回答，「我需要找個副兔，還要找點東西把蝦引過來。」 「沒問題，先生。我可以當你的副兔，而且這個水槽裡有你夢寐以求的最佳誘餌。爬進去，自己拿吧。」 Cums Once A Year 爬上梯子，慢慢滑進裝滿水的大玻璃槽裡。 「啊，如果你來當兔子，捷兔週報不如就寫《灰燼傳奇》好了。」他興奮地說「或者寫英格蘭對澳洲世界盃也不錯！」 「嗯，很符合當前潮流。」Bunsen Boner 一邊回答，一邊把水槽入口的艙門鎖死。 「放輕鬆，你可能只會感受到一點點電擊。」說完，他拉下隱藏控制面板上的操縱桿。 Shards of electricity began to dance across the surface of the tanks, as Cums Once A Year and the tiny shrimp convulsed in their watery containers. Bunsen Boner put on a pair of welder’s goggles over his eyes, and a Faraday cage over his codpiece. A blinding flash. Stillness. The machine had miraculously, hideously combined the shrimp and Cums Once A Year into a singular being. The pale skin of his head and neck were now stretched into a long, rigid carapace, flanked by two bulbous human eyes. Long antennae covered with white hair wiggled to survey their surroundings. His legs were now difficult to count as they writhed up the side of the smooth glass tank. “Fuck, the hash trash is just more body horror shit,” said Cums Once A Year. “Yes, I’m afraid Homo Hobo has his work cut out for him again with the banner,” said Bunsen Boner. Turning the tank onto its side, he opened the hatch and let Cums Once A Year scuttle out and back into the river. “You can mark the river crossings, and I’ll do the rest.” “Can we still have a barbecue afterwards?” said Cums Once A Year. “Yes, I’m sure we can figure something out,” said Bunsen Boner. 霎時間，電流碎光在兩個水槽表面跳躍閃爍，Cums Once A Year 與那隻小蝦同時在各自的水中劇烈抽搐。 Bunsen Boner 戴上焊工護目鏡，又替自己的護襠套上一層法拉第籠。 一道刺眼的白光閃過。 一切歸於寂靜。 機器竟奇蹟般、又駭人地把 Cums Once A Year 與那隻蝦融合成了一個生命體。 他原本人類的頭頸皮膚，如今延展成細長而堅硬的甲殼，兩旁長著一對巨大的人類眼球。 覆滿白色毛髮的長觸鬚不停擺動，探查四周環境。 至於他的腿——數都數不清——正沿著光滑的玻璃槽壁不停扭動攀爬。 「幹，捷兔週報又變成噁心人體變異劇情了。」 Cums Once A Year 抱怨道。 「恐怕 Homo Hobo 又得為這次的宣傳橫幅傷透腦筋了。」 Bunsen Boner 說著，把水槽橫放，打開艙門，讓 Cums Once A Year 用蝦子般的姿態一路爬回溪流裡。 「你去負責標記那些過溪點，剩下的交給我。」 「那我們之後還能烤肉嗎？」Cums Once A Year 問。 Bunsen Boner 微微一笑。 「放心，我想我們一定能想到辦法的。」 Credits Banner: Homo Hobo Story: Hairless Hero Translation: Second Cumming ******WHO? / 誰?****** Hare 主兔: Bunsen Boner Cohare 副兔: Cums Once a Year ******WHAT? / 蝦咪******* A:A run / 路線：A to A S: 6.9 km + Elevation/爬升: 400 m L: 7.5 km + Elevation/爬升: 500 m *******WHEN / 啥時******* Date: Sunday, 28 June 2026 Time: Hares off at 14:30 兔子兩點半起跑 *******WHERE / 哪兒******* Shengren Falls 聖人瀑布 https://maps.app.goo.gl/jW6p4ojVo3mSBUWb7 ******HOW? / 怎去******* Take the MRT to Shilin then S18 to the run start 捷運士林站然後搭公車小18到A點 Plenty of street parking available 路邊有很多停車位 *******PRICE******* Men $250 Women $200 *******BASH / 晚餐******* TBD

Book Now

mailto:taiwanhashhouseharriers@gmail.com?subject=TwH3 #2664 Inquiry

When & Where

June 28, 2026 (2:30 pm) – June 28, 2026 (6:00 pm)

Shengren Falls 聖人瀑布 https://maps.app.goo.gl/jW6p4ojVo3mSBUWb7