Details

In recent weeks, the good people of Shuangxi have been plagued by a series of perverted outbursts in the streets and mountain trails surrounding the town. It is suspected that local colorwolf named “Flasher” is responsible for these grim misdeeds. One female resident named “Wu” reported seeing a tall, milkwhite stranger dressed in a long coat, calling her over with promises of a gentle 50km run followed by dinner on the steps of a 7-Eleven. When she approached him, he opened his trenchcoat, revealing himself to be in a state of severe undress. While he had made efforts to cover his groin, he had done so with a creature Ms. Wu described as a human-shrimp hybrid. 近幾個星期以來，雙溪居民持續飽受一連串變態騷擾事件困擾，案發地點遍及鎮上的街道與周圍山徑。 警方懷疑，犯案者正是當地惡名昭彰的暴露狂 Flasher。 一名吳姓女子表示，自己曾遇見一名身材高挑、皮膚慘白的陌生男子，身穿一件長風衣，向她招手，並承諾要帶她跑一趟輕鬆的 50 公里，跑完再到 7-11台階上共進晚餐。 然而當她走近時，男子突然掀開風衣，露出幾乎全裸的身體。 雖然他試圖遮住下體，但用來遮掩的，竟是一隻吳小姐形容為人蝦混種生物的詭異怪物。 “While it had the face of a drunk Australian, its body had a fishy pink shell, and more legs than I could count,” reported Ms. Wu. “It flexed its tail suggestively, and shot me with a combination of seawater and incomprehensible cursewords.” Professor Lin Yan-han of National Taiwan University’s Department of Zoology has confirmed that Ms. Wu’s description matches those of recent sightings in Yangmingshan. “It’s believed the mysterious crotch crustacean is highly virile, and capable of producing billions of spermatozoa, which it releases once annually. Allowed to thrive, it is likely to invade too many cohare slots, replacing the weaker endemic cohare population. Genetic testing has also revealed direct descendents of this Shuangxi specimen taking over podium spots for female raceists.” 「它有著一張喝醉酒的澳洲男人的臉，身體卻包覆著粉紅色、帶著海鮮味的甲殼，腿多到我根本數不清。」吳小姐回憶道。 「牠還故意扭動尾巴挑逗我，接著朝我噴出一股海水，還夾雜著一堆完全聽不懂的髒話。」 國立臺灣大學動物學系林彥翰教授證實，吳小姐的描述與近期陽明山地區多起目擊報告完全吻合。 「目前推測，這種神祕的跨下甲殼類生物具有極強的繁殖能力，每年僅會釋放一次、數量高達數十億的精子。」林教授表示：「若任由牠持續繁殖，很可能大量入侵捷兔的副兔名額，逐漸取代原生、較弱勢的副兔族群。」 「此外，基因檢測也顯示，這隻雙溪個體的直系後代，已經開始佔據女子組賽事的頒獎台席次。」 Taiwan Hash Trailmaster, Globefucker, was approached for comment on how he planned to manage the outbreak, but no reply has been received. He is believed to be back in South-east Asia, living a lavish lifestyle funded by Hash Cash funds. 記者也試圖聯繫台灣健龍捷兔路線組的Globefucker，詢問他將如何處理這場生態危機。 截至截稿前，對方仍未回應。 據傳，目前他人已返回東南亞，正靠著捷兔基金過著奢華愜意的生活。 Credits Banner: Homo Hobo Story: Hairless Hero Translation: Second Cumming ******WHO? / 誰?****** Hare 主兔: Flasher Cohare 副兔: Cums Once a Year ******WHAT? / 蝦咪******* A:A run / 路線：A to A S: 8.5 km + Elevation/爬升: 350 m L: 13 km + Elevation/爬升: 550 m *******WHEN / 啥時******* Date: Sunday, 12 July 2026 Time: Hares off at 14:00 兔子兩點起跑 *******WHERE / 哪兒******* 牡丹活動廣場 https://maps.app.goo.gl/mgUGwAohdcn4L2vQ6 ******HOW? / 怎去******* Take the TRA to Mudan station then walk to the run start 台鐵到牡丹站然後走路到A點 Run start has parking A點有停車位 *******PRICE******* Men $250 Women $200 *******BASH / 晚餐******* 五十年老店- 蘭香大飯店 https://maps.app.goo.gl/MGr8aYQW9VzFSaZ77

Book Now

mailto:taiwanhashhouseharriers@gmail.com?subject=TwH3 #2666 Inquiry

When & Where

July 12, 2026 (2:00 pm) – July 12, 2026 (6:00 pm)

牡丹活動廣場 https://maps.app.goo.gl/mgUGwAohdcn4L2vQ6