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After hours of cloud-coddled mountain passes, Captain Sausage arrived at the secret waterfall deep in the unhashed hills of Liuzhangli. He perched upon a mossy stone, adjusted his kilt, and from his sporran pulled out a wad of tobacco. He loaded his pipe. His head bowed. Pipe smoke and mountain mists mingled. And all at once, the man was wracked with sobs and groans of regret. The river below his feet twisted in tight eddies among the sparkling Wenshan rocks that no hashers have laid eyes on. Upon the twisting water’s surface was reflected a sylphlike figure in a deerskin dress, marked with the patterns of the legendary Linguang tribe, as yet untouched by Taiwan Hash, who never run in these parts. 穿越了數小時被雲霧包裹的山徑後，Sausage隊長終於抵達六張犁未被捷兔踏過的深山秘瀑。 他坐在一塊長滿青苔的岩石上，整理了一下自己的蘇格蘭裙， 從毛皮袋 裡掏出一撮菸草，點起煙斗。 他低下頭。 煙霧與山嵐交織。 下一秒—— 他整個人崩潰般地哭了出來，充滿悔恨的啜泣在山谷間回響。 腳下的溪流在文山晶亮的岩石間蜿蜒旋轉， 這些地方，從未有任何踏足。 水面映出一道輕盈的身影—— 一名身穿鹿皮衣的森林精靈， 身上刻著傳說中「麟光部族」的紋樣， 一個台灣健龍從未涉足的領域。 “What’syour name, mister?” said the forest nymph. “My name is Captain John Sausage,” blubbered Captain Sausage, “Are you real, or does my mind deceive me?” “Yes, I am real. Let me show you.” The mountain sprite hopped across the river, stone to stone, with delicate bare feet. She placed her hand upon Captain Sausage’s and looked deep into his wet eyes. “My name is Poke My Hot Ass. Why you so cry, Mister John?” “My heart is heavy, lassie. Fifteen years ago, a hearty Swede named Cam With A Bigger Dick brought me to these mountains to teach me the art of haring. As the virgin hare, he put me in charge of the beer check. I sat on this very rock with a beer tower, ready to provide refreshments for all the thirsty hashers.” “That sounds nice. You are a good man, Mister John.” 「你叫什麼名字？」她問。 「我叫 Captain John Sausage，」他哽咽著說， 「妳是真的嗎？還是我在做夢？」 「我是真的。讓我證明給你看。」 精靈輕盈地踩著石頭越過溪流，赤腳落地無聲。 她握住他的手，凝視他濕潤的眼睛。 「我叫 Poke My Hot Ass。 你為什麼哭？」 「我心裡很沉重啊，小姑娘……」 「十五年前，一個叫 Cam With A Bigger Dick 的瑞典壯漢帶我來這些山裡，教我如何當兔子。 那次我第一次當兔子，他讓我負責啤酒站。 我就坐在這塊石頭上，準備好啤酒站，等所有口渴的捷兔跑者們來。」 「聽起來很好啊。你是好人。」 “No, Poke My Hot Ass. I am bad man. I am very bad man. The check before the beer check… it was… it was… too hard. Only two hashers made it to my beer check. I sat there drinking alone until the sun went down! Boo hoo hoo!” Suddenly, Globefucker emerged from the bushes, his eyes ablaze with fury. “I told you, Rolf Haggis! No fucking runs in Liuzhangli! It’s too remote and dangerous! You know what happened last time!” The trailmaster picked up a thick piece of branch and raised it over his head. “I’m gonna smash your fucking brains in!” Captain Sausage’s tear-stained face hid beneath his arms. His whole body shook. But as Globefucker bore down with the heavy stick, Poke My Hot Ass thrust her delicate body between the two men. “No!” she cried, “If you kill him, you’ll have to kill me, too!” “Stand back!” commanded Globefucker. “No! I won’t. I love him, Trailmaster. Look around you. This is where the path of Liuzhangli has brought us. This is the path I choose for the next Taiwan Hash. Will you allow it?” 「不，Poke My Hot Ass……」 「我是壞人。非常壞的那種。」 「在啤酒站前一個叉路謎題……太難了……」 「只有兩個人到得了我這裡……我一個人坐著，把所有酒喝光，直到太陽下山……嗚嗚嗚——」 就在這時—— Globefucker 從灌木叢裡衝了出來，雙眼怒火燃燒。 「我就說過了，Rolf Haggis！」 「六張犁不能跑！太偏遠太危險！」 「你忘了上次發生什麼事嗎？！」 他撿起一根粗樹枝，高高舉起。 「我要把你腦袋打爆！」 Sausage 隊長把滿是淚水的臉埋進手臂裡，全身發抖。 但就在樹枝要落下的瞬間——Poke My Hot Ass 衝到兩人之間。 「不要！」她喊。 「你要殺他，就先殺我！」 「讓開！」Globefucker 喝道。 「不，我不會讓。」 「我愛他，路線組們。」 「看看四周吧。這就是六張犁帶我們走到的地方。 這是我為台灣健龍選的路。你願意讓它發生嗎？」 Globefucker stood dumbfounded. He looked at their surroundings. Rainbows danced in the rolling mountain mists. Exotic birds sang ecstacies among the trees. He lowered the branch. “Fine, but you’re in charge. Captain Sausage can only be the co-hare.” Poke My Hot Ass nodded solemnly, and looked down at the man in her arms. “You can look after the beer check,” she told him. Globefucker 愣住了。 他環顧四周—— 山霧翻滾間出現彩虹，奇異的鳥鳴在林間迴盪。 他慢慢放下手中的樹枝。 「好吧。」 「但由你負責。」 「Sausage隊長 只能當副兔。」 Poke My Hot Ass 鄭重點頭。 她低頭看著懷中的男人。 「你就負責啤酒站吧。」她輕聲說。 Credits Banner: Homo Hobo Story: Hairless Hero Translation: Second Cumming ******WHO? / 誰?****** Hare 主兔: Poke My Hot Ass Cohare 副兔: Mr. Sausage ******WHAT? / 蝦咪******* A:A run / 路線：A to A L: 9 km + Elevation/爬升: 350 m S: 7 km + Elevation/爬升: 300 m *******WHEN / 啥時******* Date: Sunday, 19 April 2026 Time: Hares off at 14:30 兔子兩點半起跑 *******WHERE / 哪兒******* JingQin No.2 Park 景勤二號公園 https://maps.app.goo.gl/sdhCWnseL2Udpd8n7 ******HOW? / 怎去******* MRT to Liuzhangli or Taipei 101 then walk to the run start 捷運六張犁站或台北101然後走路到A點 *******PRICE******* Men $250 Women $200 *******BASH / 晚餐******* 嚐鮮樓精緻熱炒 https://maps.app.goo.gl/ETHhKTsHJ5k1LWvcA

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mailto:taiwanhashhouseharriers@gmail.com?subject=TwH3 #2654 Inquiry

When & Where

April 19, 2026 (2:30 pm) – April 19, 2026 (6:00 pm)

JingQin No.2 Park 景勤二號公園 https://maps.app.goo.gl/sdhCWnseL2Udpd8n7