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The streets of Keelung were awash with seamen. In the smoke-filled taverns, old Taipei Hashers raised their voices with hash songs half forgotten, their lips spumy with beer and good humor. At the scalloped-edge harbor, Panty Pirate and Globelfucker unloaded exotic booty for market. On Check Street, Juicy Kumsquat hawked her melons. Jam Rag sang praises of her questionable preserves. The eminently Talented Mr. Nipply Esq. sat etching Nutsniffer who posed in her Sunday best petticoat. Away from the hustle and bustle, down a quiet side alley, Sheman cast a swift, dark shadow. He came to a narrow doorway and stopped. After checking over his shoulder, he ducked inside. The vestibule within contained a carved hardwood desk and chair that filled half the room. Upon the desk sat a dog-eared ledger. Upon the chair sat Horny Mama, the proprietress. 基隆的街道，被滿滿的水手淹沒了。 煙霧繚繞的酒館裡，老台北捷兔跑者們 扯著早就忘一半歌詞的哈希歌鬼吼鬼叫，嘴角全是啤酒泡沫與莫名的好心情。在港邊那鋸齒狀的碼頭，Panty Pirate 和 Globelfucker 正把各地搜刮來的異國戰利品卸貨準備賣錢。謎題街上，Juicy Kumsquat 正在兜售她的「哈密瓜」；Jam Rag 則唱著她那可疑保存食品的讚歌。德高望重 Talented Mr. Nipply 先生坐在一旁刻畫著 Nutsniffer，而後者穿著她禮拜天才會穿的最佳襯裙，乖乖擺拍。 遠離喧囂，在一條安靜的小巷裡，Sheman 投下迅速而陰暗的身影。他在一扇狹窄的門前停下，左右張望後，鑽了進去。 裡頭的小前廳只擺得下一張雕花硬木桌和一張椅子，佔了半個空間。桌上放著一本翻到起毛邊的帳冊，椅子上坐著 Horny Mama，本店老闆娘。 “I’ve come to gets me some Tiny Balls,” growled Sheman. “Sheman, a pleasure to have you frequent us again,” replied Horny Mama, her thick makeup cracked as she smiled. “We needn’t exchange pleasantries, Missus. Kindly serve up the goods and I’ll pay you.” Sheman took out a drawstring coin purse from his shabby waistcoat and nimbly plucked out a florin. “He ain’t here, Sheman. No-one’s seen Tiny Balls since the Erection Run. Believe you me, I’m as disappointed as you are. That lad was our best earner.” Horny Mama opened the ledger. “However we have some alternatives that will more than satisfy.” 「我來拿點 Tiny Balls。」Sheman 咕噥道。 「Sheman，你又來照顧我們生意，真是榮幸啊。」Horny Mama 咧嘴一笑，濃妝裂開得像乾掉的牆漆。 「廢話少說，夫人。貨上來，我付錢。」 Sheman 從他那件破背心裡掏出一個抽繩錢袋，俐落地拈出一枚弗羅林銀幣。 「他不在了，Sheman。自從交接跑之後就沒人看過 Tiny Balls。說真的，我跟你一樣失望，那小子可是我們的金雞母。」Horny Mama 翻開帳冊。「不過嘛，我們還有替代方案，保證讓你滿意。」 The side door slid open and three young men in leather shorts shuffled into the already cramped room. “Good day, sir,” squawked the first, “My name is Sharty Gaybow.” He smiled badly, paused, did a curtsy, and looked at Horny Mama for approval. “You looks like you’d enjoy it too much, lad,” said Sheman, still playing with his silver coin. The second man stepped forward. “My name is Clitoryseus. I will treat you like an Adonis.” “I ain’t never been one for the Classics,” smirked Sheman. His eyes turned to the third man, who played nervously with a strap on his Lederhosen. “Horny Mama, who’s this morsel?” “This is our newest offering: Never Been Dicked.” “Never say never, eh lad?” “Two florins for this one, Sheman. First man in.” 側門滑開，三個穿著皮短褲的年輕男人擠進本來就不大的房間。 「午安，先生，」第一個尖聲說道，「我叫 Sharty Gaybow。」 他尷尬地笑了笑，停頓了一下，行了個屈膝禮，然後偷瞄 Horny Mama 看有沒有演對。 「你這種一看就會玩得太開心，小子。」Sheman 邊說邊把玩他的銀幣。第二個人走上前。 「我叫 Clitoryseus，我會把你當成阿多尼斯伺候。」 「我從來就不迷古典派。」Sheman 冷笑。接著他把目光轉向第三個人，那人緊張地抓著自己 Lederhosen 上的皮帶。「Horny Mama，這塊小點心是誰？」 「我們最新的貨色：Never Been Dicked。」 「Never 說得太早啦，小子，是吧？」 「這個兩枚弗羅林，Sheman。新貨第一個。」 Sheman drew close to Never Been Dicked, inhaling deeply. He looked down, smiled, and put three silver coins on the desk. “I pay extra and you don’t ask no questions, hear?” Horny Mama scribbled in the ledger with a peacock quill but her hand was suddenly jolted and the ink well spilled across the page as Never Been Dicked sprinted out of the door, into the alley, and towards the Sunday market crowds. “Oh I do likes it when they run,” said Sheman. “I’m hot on your heels, lad!” The door swung on its hinges as he took after the escapee. Then Sharty Gaybow peed his pants and cried. The end. Sheman 湊近 Never Been Dicked，深深吸了一口氣，低頭一看，笑了，然後在桌上放了三枚銀幣。 「我加錢，你什麼都別問，懂？」 Horny Mama 用孔雀羽毛筆在帳冊上飛快寫著，卻突然手一抖，墨水瓶翻倒，整頁全毀——因為 Never Been Dicked 已經衝出門外，竄進小巷，往星期天市集的人群狂奔而去。 「我最愛他們逃跑了。」Sheman 說。「小子，我來啦！」 他一腳踹開門，追了出去。 接著，Sharty Gaybow 嚇到尿褲子，開始哭。 Credits Banner: Homo Hobo Story: Hairless Hero Translation: Second Cumming ******WHO? / 誰?****** Hare 主兔: Never Been Dicked Cohare 副兔: Sheman ******WHAT? / 蝦咪******* A:A run / 路線：A to A 7 km + Elevation/ 爬升: 350 m *******WHEN / 啥時******* Date: Sunday, 1 Feb 2026 Time: Hares off at 14:00 兔子兩點起跑 *******WHERE / 哪兒******* Bridge next to Keelung City Renai District Office 基隆市仁愛區公所旁邊的橋下 https://maps.app.goo.gl/nNnRwsDsqxr5zNX27 ******HOW? / 怎去******* TRA train to Sankeng station then walk. Parking available 火車到三坑火車站然後走路到A點. 可停車 *******PRICE******* Men $250 Women $200 *******BASH / 晚餐******* TBD

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mailto:taiwanhashhouseharriers@gmail.com?subject=TwH3 #2643 Inquiry

When & Where

February 1, 2026 (2:00 pm) – February 1, 2026 (6:00 pm)

Bridge next to Keelung City Renai District Office 基隆市仁愛區公所旁邊的橋下 https://maps.app.goo.gl/nNnRwsDsqxr5zNX27