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“Ze atmosphere appears breathable, Capitaine,” said Lieutenant Ménage à Twat. “According to my SpaceGarmin, ze trails our ship’s scanner picked up should be approximately 5.5 kilometers to ze north, elevation minimal.” “Very well, Officer,” replied Captain Spaceman. “Listen, crew. This is Ethanol-69, the most notorious planet in the Yangmingshan Nebula. The terrain appears flat and safe, but danger lurks at every turn. Keep your wits about you, and follow me.” He turned around to see First Officer Juicy Kiwi exploring a cluster of trees. “Captain, this could be a good location for a beer cheAAAAAAAACCCCCHHHHHH!” 「艦長，這裡的大氣層看起來可以呼吸，」Ménage à Twat中尉說。 “根據我的太空佳明導航儀顯示，我們飛船掃描儀探測到的痕跡應該在北方大約5.5公里處，海拔很低。” 「好的，長官，」Spaceman艦長回答。 「聽著，船員們。這裡是啤酒-69，陽明山星雲中最臭名昭著的行星。地形看起來平坦安全，但危險無處不在。保持警惕，跟我來。” 他轉過身，看到Juicy Kiwi大副正在探索一片樹林。 “艦長，這裡是個喝啤酒的好地方！” “Great Scott!” called Captain Spaceman. He and his Lieutenant could only watch in horror as their crewmate fell into the jaws of a giant Asspresso monster. Juicy Kiwi’s blood-curdling screams were replaced by the crunching of bone on bone, the wet smacking of the monster’s saliva drenched lips. “Hashdamn it!” cried Spaceman, “From now on, we stick together and stick to the plan.” The two men began their recce to the trailhead. Above them, the heat of two suns beat upon their heads. Sweat soaked through their problematically tight uniforms, and their beer canteens ran dry. Was this really 5.5km? Time and space seemed distorted on this planet, or perhaps Ménage à Twat’s SpaceGarmin was fucked. Then, as they passed a boulder that looked suspiciously like painted polystyrene, they were ambushed by three aliens. They had green skin and slightly pointed ears, but otherwise looked much like the Earth females Captain Spaceman had heard so much about. The men raised their phasers. 「我的天哪！」Spaceman艦長大喊。他和他的副官只能眼睜睜地看著他們的同伴落入一隻巨型Asspresso怪獸的血盆大口。Juicy Kiwi令人毛骨悚然的尖叫聲被骨頭碰撞的嘎吱聲和怪獸濕漉漉的嘴唇的咂嘴聲所取代。 “該死！”太空人喊道，”從現在開始，我們一定要待在一起，嚴格執行計劃。” 兩人開始向步道起點偵察。頭頂上有兩顆太陽炙烤著他們。汗水浸透了他們緊身的制服，啤酒壺裡也喝光了。這真的是5.5公里嗎？這顆星球上的時間和空間似乎都扭曲了，或許是Ménage à Twat的太空佳明導航儀壞了。 然後，當他們經過一塊看起來很像塗了油漆的聚苯乙烯泡沫塑膠的巨石時，遭到了三個外星人的突擊。他們皮膚呈綠色，耳朵略尖，但除此之外，他們看起來和Spaceman船長聽說過的地球女性非常相似。男人們舉起了光炮。 “Ethanolites, Capitaine. A fearsome species!” cried Ménage à Twat. “Ladies, you are interfering with official Hash Fleet business.” declared Captain Spaceman, “State your intentions, or face the consequences!” “My name is Floating in Glorp,” said the first alien. “I glorp in peace.” “My name is Second Glorping,” said the second alien. “I glorp repeatedly.” “And my name is Glorps From Behind,” said the third alien. “Use your imagination.” “I know a fellow captain when I see one, Glorps From Behind” remarked Spaceman. Glorps From Behind allowed herself a smile, revealing a lattice of metal. A cyborg, perhaps? “As do I, Captain Spaceman,” she replied, “And I see you are lost, and thirsty.” “So thirsty,” moaned Ménage à Twat. “Then let us work together,” said Glorps From Behind. “Captain, take this sack of spacedust. We shall lay a trail for the others to follow. Lieutenant Twat, you stay here and establish an A-point. My two staff here will quench your thirst.” “Perhaps we shall all live up to our names, no?” said Ménage à Twat. 「是啤酒人，船長。是個可怕的種族！」Ménage à Twat哭喊著。 “女士們，你們妨礙了哈希艦隊的公務。” Spaceman船長宣布，”說明你們的意圖，否則後果自負！” “我叫漂浮在糊糊，”第一個外星人說，”我和平地糊糊著。” “我叫第二個糊糊，”第二個外星人說，”我反复地糊糊著。” “我叫從後面來的糊糊，”第三個外星人說，”發揮你們的想像力吧。” 「我一眼就能認出同行，從後面來的格洛普斯」Spaceman船長說。 從後面來的糊糊嘴角勾起一抹笑意，露出了金屬格子。或許是個半機械人？ “我也是，Spaceman船長，”她回答道，”看來你迷路了，而且口渴難耐。” 「真渴!」Ménage à Twat嗚咽著。 「那我們就一起合作吧，」從後面來的糊糊說。 “船長，拿著這袋太空塵埃。我們來為其他人鋪路。Ménage à Twat中尉，你留在這裡設立A點。我的兩個助手會給你解渴。” 「或許我們都能名副其實，不是嗎？」Ménage à Twat說。 Credits Banner: Homo Hobo Story: Hairless Hero Translation: Second Cumming ******WHO? / 誰?****** Hare 主兔: Spaceman Cohare 副兔: Comes From Behind ******WHAT? / 蝦咪******* A:A run / 路線：A to A S: 6.96 km + Elevation/ 爬升: 69.96 m L: 9.69 km + Elevation/爬升: 169.96 m *******WHEN / 啥時******* Date: Sunday, 4 Jan 2026 Time: Hares off at 14:00 兔子兩點起跑 *******WHERE / 哪兒******* 楊梅福和宮 https://maps.app.goo.gl/cfbwsxsieY3Qx1A19 ******HOW? / 怎去******* TRA to Yangmei then walk or taxi to A point 台鐵到楊梅站然後走路或搭計程車到A點 *******PRICE******* Men $250 Women $200 *******BASH / 晚餐******* 86快炒 https://maps.app.goo.gl/ghdtJEzdjWit4A5T7

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mailto:taiwanhashhouseharriers@gmail.com?subject=TwH3 #2639 Inquiry

When & Where

January 4, 2026 (2:00 pm) – January 4, 2026 (6:00 pm)

楊梅福和宮 https://maps.app.goo.gl/cfbwsxsieY3Qx1A19