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“Show me your privates, Colonel Sack!” commanded General Egg. His voice echoed off the whitewashed walls of the bunkhouse. “At once, General!” Colonel Sack replied. He began jabbing his privates urgently with his cane and blowing on his horn. “Stand straight! The General wants to inspect you!” The hash troops groaned. Puffy-eyed, they pulled back their blankets and flopped from their bunks. The smell of boozesweat and ample bruising were all that remained from their midnight game of “Hide the soap”. Sweaty Panty struggled down the bunk ladder, missed a rung, and thunked onto an achy Michael J. Fox. Bukkake Storm tried to clean his sheets with an insufficient wad of tissue. General Egg teleported down the line to Bukkake Storm’s bunk. “What’s your name, soldier?” barked General Egg. Bukkake Storm stood to attention and saluted, the dank wad still stuck to his palm. “Sir, Come This Way, sir!” he replied. General Egg slapped him with the back of his hand, madder than a wet hen. “ARE YOU TELLING ME HOW TO COME, SOLDIER? LOOK AT YOUR SLIMY EXCUSE OF A BUNK! THE ONLY THING YOUR MISERABLE SPUNK WILL IMPREGNATE IS A MATTRESS TOPPER! YOUR NAME IS BUKKAKE STORM!” 「把你的兵給我叫出來, Colonel Sack！」General Egg 命令道。 他的聲音在粉刷過的工寮牆壁間回蕩。 「立刻，將軍！」Colonel Sack 回答。 他開始用手杖猛戳自己的「兵」，同時吹起號角。 「站直！將軍要檢閱你們！」 捷兔士兵們哀號連連。 眼睛腫得像氣球，他們掀開毯子，從床上滾下來。 昨晚那場「找肥皂」午夜遊戲，只留下酒汗味與滿身瘀青。 Sweaty Panty 艱難地從床梯往下爬，踩空一階——咚！ 直接砸在全身酸痛的 Michael J. Fox 身上。 Bukkake Storm 正用一小團完全不夠用的衛生紙試圖清理床單。 General Egg 瞬間「傳送」到 Bukkake Storm 的床邊。 「你叫什麼名字，士兵？」General Egg咆哮。 Bukkake Storm 立正敬禮，那團濕黏紙巾還黏在手掌。 「報告長官，Come This Way，長官！」 General Egg 反手一巴掌抽過去，氣得像被潑水的母雞。 「你是在教我怎麼來嗎，士兵？！看看你那噁心的床！你那點可悲的精力唯一能搞懷孕的只有床墊！你的名字是 Bukkake Storm！」 “B…b…but, sir, the name on my t-shirt says…” General Egg struck the man again. It was not Bukkake Storm’s day. “FUCK YOUR DAMNED T-SHIRT!” Bukkake Storm immediately removed his hash shirt and began beating off furiously into it. General Egg turned and walked down the central aisle of the bunkhouse. “Listen up, platoon. A situation has occurred in Beitou. Two malicious hash operatives, Wego Shooter and his buddy Jerry, have staged a coup d’etat. They are now acting GMs of Taiwan Hash. Praying For Man Tits, Walkie Walkie, and See You Next Week are MIA. This means trails in overused locations and, more importantly, no beer truck.” 「但…但長官，我衣服上寫的是——」 又是一巴掌。今天顯然不是 Bukkake Storm 的好日子。 「去你的衣服！」 Bukkake Storm 立刻脫下捷兔衣服，開始瘋狂往裡面「發洩」。 General Egg 轉身走向工寮中央通道。 「聽好了，各位。」 「北投出事了，兩個惡意捷兔特務——Wego Shooter 和他的朋友 Jerry——發動政變，他們現在自稱台灣健龍捷兔的會長，Praying For Man Tits、Walkie Walkie、See You Next Week——全部失蹤。這代表什麼？代表路線又會是那些被跑爛的地點—— 更重要的是——沒有啤酒車。」 Colonel Sack’s privates trembled. There wasn’t a dry eye in the building. Sweaty Panty choked back an audible sob. General Egg put a hand on his shoulder. His eyes showed kindness now. “Stay strong son, we’re going to get your GM back.” “Sir, we’re lucky to have you as our leader, sir!” “Damn straight, soldier. I haven’t spoken this nicely to someone since I fucked your mother. Here’s the plan, men. Myself and Colonel Sack here have planned a trail in Linguang. We know that Wego Shooter won’t be able to resist such a cliche, Metro Hash A-point. We set the trail, and you strike them down at the first check. Now kit up and fall out. We ship out in T minus 10.” “Sir, yes, sir!” the hash troops chanted. Will General Egg’s plan work? Will Colonel Sack’s privates rise to the challenge? That depends on you, soldier. See you on Sunday! Colonel Sack 的「兵」顫抖了。整棟工寮沒有一雙乾的眼睛。 Sweaty Panty 忍不住哽咽 General Egg 把手放在他肩膀上，眼神突然變得溫柔。 「撐住，孩子。我們會把你的會長帶回來。」 「長官，我們很幸運有你當領導！」 「那當然。我上次這麼溫柔說話還是在上你媽的時候。」 「聽好了，這是計畫。我和 Colonel Sack已經在麟光設計了一條路線。Wego Shooter 那種人，看到這種老掉牙的捷運站集合點絕對忍不住。」 「我們先規畫好路線，你們在 第一個叉路點就把他們幹掉。」 「現在裝備整備，集合出發。」 「倒數 10 秒。」 「好的長官！」捷兔士兵們齊聲吼。 General Egg 的計畫會成功嗎？ Colonel Sack 的兵能不能挺起來迎接挑戰？ 那就看你了，士兵。 星期天見。 Credits Banner: Homo Hobo Story: Hairless Hero Translation: Second Cumming ******WHO? / 誰?****** Hare 主兔: Colonel Sack Cohare 副兔: General Egg ******WHAT? / 蝦咪******* A:A run / 路線：A to A S: 6.5 km + Elevation/爬升: 250 m L: 8.8 km + Elevation/爬升: 350 m *******WHEN / 啥時******* Date: Sunday, 15 March 2026 Time: Hares off at 14:00 兔子兩點起跑 *******WHERE / 哪兒******* Fuyang Eco Park 七星公園 https://maps.app.goo.gl/QWWtqeQMfe98g5mU7?g_st=ic ******HOW? / 怎去******* MRT to Linguang then walk to the run start 捷運麟光站然後走路到A點 *******PRICE******* Men $250 Women $200 *******BASH / 晚餐******* 阿珍熱炒 https://maps.app.goo.gl/m97gq8yCeWtcBpDCA

Book Now

mailto:taiwanhashhouseharriers@gmail.com?subject=TwH3 #2649 Inquiry

When & Where

March 15, 2026 (2:00 pm) – March 15, 2026 (6:00 pm)

Fuyang Eco Park 七星公園 https://maps.app.goo.gl/QWWtqeQMfe98g5mU7?g_st=ic